Insight vs. Advice

While reading Neil Pasricha's new book The Happiness Equation, I was struck by his chapter regarding advice.  His main assertion is "don't take advice."  This seems like odd advice because it completely contradicts itself, but the more I thought about it, the more I seemed to agree with it.

When people offer advice to you, whether solicited or not, they are sharing what they would do from their perspective.  No matter how hard they try to imagine themselves in your shoes, they cannot fully understand your perspective.  

It certainly is important to seek the perspectives of others when you are making difficult decisions or have questions about how you should proceed, but you don't want to give away all of your control by taking someone else's advice.  To do so robs you of your ability to think honestly from your own perspective.  This can lead you to make decisions that are not authentic to your own personality.

Rather than seek advice from others, you should seek to gain insight.  The experiences of others can provide valuable information that you can use to better understand a situation you are facing.  This is what insight means: to gain a deeper understanding of someone or something.  This is the ingredient that you need to make difficult decisions and navigate big challenges.

Instead of asking others "what do you think I should do?" you can ask them "have you ever faced a similar situation? What did you do?"

The benefit of asking people questions about what THEY did, felt, or thought is that you will hear authentic responses from their perspective.  You then have the ability to compare their experiences to your situation from your own perspective.  This is very important because the only person who truly understands your perspective is YOU. 

Gaining insight from others allows you to take full control over your decisions and actions.  When you take advice from others, you are giving away your control. 

Beyond Expectations

I haven't yet seen the new Vacation movie with Ed H

elms, but it is high on my list this summer.  Whether the new movie is a hit or not, I don't think it could ever surpass the awesomeness of the original version with Chevy Chase.  The story of Clark Griswold's ill-fated quest to take his family on the vacation of a lifetime is a classic.  It is so funny because just about everyone can relate some family vacation from their lives to the plight of Clark W. Griswold.  We all want our vacations to turn out perfectly, but they rarely ever do.

Travel really is one of the most emotional purchases that people ever make.  Think about it.  The expectations to create a perfect experience are so high.  You are often travelling with friends or family, so there is added pressure to create a memorable experience for everyone.  Travel requires you to spend two of your most precious commodities, money and vacation time.  You really have to make your vacations count because they don't come around that often.  You are emotionally invested in this purchase before you even know where you are going!

Travel and tourism business aren't making it any easier on travelers either.  Resorts, hotels, and travel agents create fabulous websites that portray the absolute best possible experience that anyone could ever have.  The sun is shining.  The sky is blue.  There are no crowds, and everyone is smiling.  Sure, these conditions do exist, from time-to-time, but we all know that plenty of "average" days (or worse) occur each month too.  Marketing has set the expectation, and the customer has invested emotionally.  This seems like a situation set up for disappointment.

It is not realistic to think that marketers will stop promoting the best image of their destinations.  Knowing this, and knowing that many customers will experience less than perfect conditions mean that tourism businesses must put a great effort into creating experiences beyond expectations for their guests.  This is different from exceeding expectations.  After all, the marketing has already set the expectation of perfect conditions.  You cannot exceed perfect.  Not possible.  But you can give the customer something unexpected; beyond expectations.

Tourism companies must make it their priority to build relationships with their customers and to connect with them emotionally.  We know that travel is an emotional purchase, so let's provide the emotion.  Let's treat our clients like friends and family, and give them a real reason to remember their visit.  The human connections that people make during their travels have a profound effect on their level of enjoyment and satisfaction.  One of the best ways to encourage customer loyalty is to genuinely welcome guests and make them part of your community.  When a guest feels like they belong, they become invested in the community, and will want to visit again and again.

Travellers want to make emotional connections to the places they visit.  It is our job to encourage that connection by welcoming, accepting, and including them in our communities.

How Do You Build Character?

"Intelligence plus character-that is the goal of true education." ― Martin Luther King Jr.

During the two years I taught a course in Human Relations for students of Central Wyoming College it struck me that one of the biggest challenges that young people have is in building the proper character to become successful professionals, parents, and friends.  Almost every student I encountered was committed to their academic success and acquiring knowledge that would help them succeed as a student and professional.  However, many were surprised that the content of the course was so introspective, relating to how they behave.

Most people do not go through their daily lives thinking about what drives their behavior, or how they developed their character.  But this is a useful habit to get into.  Considering how your behavior shapes the way other people react to you unlocks many doors.

• How did you develop your character?  
• Your work ethic?  
• Your passion?  
• Your commitments to others?  
• Who and what influenced you?  

The first person that comes to my mind is my dad, and quickly I begin to remember others (teachers, friends, co-workers, role models), who have helped me develop into the person I am today.

Your character evolves everyday, and you can choose to improve or deteriorate the behaviors that help you relate to others.  Remember those who have helped you build your character, and think of an additional role model that will help you become ever greater tomorrow.

It Is A Fine Line Indeed

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." ― Martin Luther King Jr.

I can't help but think of my favorite quote from This Is Spinal Tap when I read MLK Jr.'s words above.

      David St. Hubbins:  It's such a fine line between stupid, and uh...
      Nigel Tufnel:  Clever.
      David St. Hubbins:  Yeah, and clever.

I am pretty sure that Rob Reiner was not thinking of MLK, Jr. when he wrote this script, but you never know!

Pick Up The Phone

"People fail to get along because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don't know each other; they don't know each other because they have not communicated with each other."
 ― Martin Luther King Jr.

How do we get to know each other.  We talk to one another.  Very good.  Now let's take this one step

further.  How do we talk with each other?  Yes, we say stuff, but what else?  Yeeeesssss, we listen to others.  That is the key message here.

Before we can begin to communicate our own views, we need to begin understanding others.  This is not some sort of chicken-before-the-egg riddle.  We need to listen with our eyes, our ears, and our minds.  There is a lot of listening we can do before we even have a conversation with someone.  We can think about what we expect the perspective of others to be.  We can empathize with that perspective, and then we can test our understanding by actually having a conversation.

Now that digital communication is so prevalent, it is harder and harder to have a real conversation with others.  Actually, it is technically easier because we have more channels and greater access to other people, but our minds hijack us into believing the most convenient way to communicate is the most effective way to communicate.  We know in our hearts that it is much more effective to have a conversation in person or over the phone than in email or social media, but we have a hard time getting ourselves to do it!

Take the time this week to commit yourself to getting to know someone important to you, your work, or your family.  Go beyond a simple email greeting or Facebook message.  Pick up the phone and start a conversation.  Chances are you will learn something important that would have remained a mystery if you only communicated online.

Challenging Communication

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
― Martin Luther King Jr

This quote keeps me motivated to work everyday.  Since 2010, I have committed my life to helping people communicate more effectively with others, mostly in a business context.  Usually, the most difficult situations for  people to communicate effectively are the times when they are stressed, challenged, or faced with perceptions of others that conflict with their own.

• Angry hotel guests screaming at front desk staff
• Receiving negative feedback from your boss
• Giving any kind of feedback to those you work with
• Negotiating with co-workers who have different priorities

Martin Luther King, Jr. is an inspirational role model for even our everyday communication.  When we face times of challenge and controversy, it is so easy to lash out in defense, or to turn our backs in denial.  Silence and violence are not the only two reactions to challenge and controversy.  The next time you FEEL your emotions become charged in a conversation, think of MLK Jr.'s words, and rise to the occasion.  Find the higher road to opportunity and success.  Chances are that what seem like opposing ideas actually have common purpose.

Forgetting To Remember

Dale Carnegie wrote in his landmark self-improvement book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, that “a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”  Most people would not argue this point, yet many people still have trouble remembering names.
Despite being a salesperson for majority of my professional career, I have struggled with remembering names, Here is a short list of techniques that I have tried throughout my career:

Make Small Talk Less Painful

Many people dread small talk.  You know, the cocktail party chatter, networking, and anytime you find yourself in a room full of strangers that you are expected to interact with socially.  Ugh!  If you are one of these people, here are a few easy tips on how to have more fun at your next networking event.

Much has been written about how to become a better conversationalist, and usually the tips go like this:

• Smile
• Ask questions 
• Be a good listener

All of these instructions are valid, for sure, but there is a lot more to being a good conversationalist.  For example, to become a good listener, the instruction is usually to be genuinely interested in what the other person is saying.  But what if they are boring the pants off of you?  What if they are talking about a subject that is so foreign to you (i.e. over your head) that you can't follow what they are saying?  How can you possibly generate "genuine" interest in something you are so genuinely NOT interested in?  Here are some ideas....

Remember, They Are Here to Network
Though your conversational partner may not be acting like they want to talk to anyone other than you, they came to the event for the very same reason as you; to meet people.  Be a good friend, and help them do it.  When you find yourself drowning in a boring conversation, look for people walking by who might be more interesting to talk to, and invite them to join you.  Don't think of this as dropping a boredom bomb on them.  Simply invite them to join you, introduce them to your conversational partner, and give them a brief synopsis of the most interesting (i.e. least boring) parts of the conversation so far.  Then ask them a question that is loosely related to the subject, and hope that they take it in a different direction.  No need to make the earliest escape possible, as you don't want to appear rude.  You end up looking great because you are the conduit connecting people to each other.

Listen For Detour Opportunities
The advice to be a good listener is great, but you need to do more than just process the words that are coming out of the other person's mouth.  Especially if the conversation is heading to Boresville, you need to be listening for something very specific; for an opening.  You want to listen for little hooks in the conversation that you can grab onto and ask a question that will direct the conversation to a topic you find more interesting.  For example, if your partner is blabbing on and on about a golf trip they took to Scottsdale, and you have no interest in golf, you could grab onto "Scottsdale" and ask them how far that is from the Grand Canyon.  "Oh, you've never been there?  It's one of the most beautiful places to see a sunset.  What national parks have you been to?"  Viola!  The trick here is that you are not hijacking the conversation so that you can tell your own story.  You are just redirecting your partner to speak on a topic more interesting to you.  In the end, your conversational partner will only remember how easy it was to speak to you, not necessarily what you talked about.

Escape With Grace
The classic phrase to escape a boring conversation is, "Excuse me, I need to get another drink/go to the bathroom/check my voicemail."  And while these do often work, there is always the chance that the person follows you.  To truly make a graceful exit, you need to be respectful of what your partner might want to achieve at this networking event.  First of all, be polite.  Thank them for the great conversation (even if it's a lie).  Second, ask for their business card and tell them why you might give them a call in the future ("if I am headed to Scottsdale anytime soon, I am going to give you a ring.").  Third, ask them if they are trying to meet anyone specific at the event.  Tell them that if you bump into that person, you will try to introduce them.  Lastly, wish them well ("enjoy the rest of the event").  Now head to the bar for a refill.

Help Others Be Successful
Overall, one of the best ways to be a good conversationalist is to make others feel comfortable.  Most people find it difficult and nerve racking to make small talk.  The more you can do to make them feel comfortable and help them make connections, the better you are going to look.  At their core, all of the tips above focus on how you can help others be more successful at networking, not simply to escape from a boring conversation.  By keeping your focus on how you can help others, people are going to remember you as one of the most interesting people that they meet at any event.

Funny Body Language Analysis

I had my Human Relations class laughing out load while watching this funny video about body language.

It is amazing to many how much information is communicated though body language during an ordinary conversation.  The importance of your non-verbal communication is amplified in a public speaking setting.  If you have never given much thought to what your body is saying while you speak, try this little experiment.

1. Stand (don't sit) in front of your iPhone/Android set far enough away to view your whole body.
2. Video yourself talking about a controversial topic (e.g. your views on gay marriage) for 1 minute.
3. Share the video with someone else, but mute the volume.
4. Ask them what they think you were saying.

As long as they are not experts in lip reading, they are very likely to interpret your communication very differently than you do.  The vast majority of the emotional content in your message is communicated though non-verbals like body language, posture, and vocal tone.

Improv Comedy Troupes, like The Laff Staff in Jackson Hole, WY, play a fun game during performances that emphasizes how much information is communicated non-verbally.  The game is called Deaf Replay, and it involves three pairs of actors.  The first pair is instructed to make up a scene based on a suggestion from the audience.  The remaining two pairs are kept off stage with headphones blaring loud music so that they cannot hear the audio portion of the scene.  The first group must then try to reenact the scene from the first pair of actors, using all of the same body movements, and trying their best to guess what the dialogue was between the first to actors.  The third group, who were only allowed to watch the 2nd group of actors perform (again, no audio), try to reenact the scene from the 2nd pair.  It never fails that the three scenes are COMPLETELY different, and hilarious.

If you have never scene improvisational theater performed, I highly recommend it, as it will help you understand some of the major fundamentals of communicating effectively in any situation.

Everything Starts With A Conversation

A job interview.  A sales call.  A business relationship.  Even romance.  The way we communicate with each other orally is one of the most overlooked skills by today's professionals.  No matter how many new social networks are invented, the core concept of communicating face-to-face will always trump the influence of chatting online.

Thank you to my friend, Nick Staron at Jackson Hole Adventure Video, for helping me with this video commercial.  True to my statement above, this video only scratches the surface of how Dialogue Business Strategy can help you and your co-workers communicate more effectively with your customers and each other.

Call me anytime to discuss how improving your communication skills will help improve your business.  My cell number is 307-699-1159.  I look forward to chatting with you.

Sincerely,

John Morgan
Owner / President
Dialogue Business Strategy, Inc.
Jackson Hole, Wyoming, USA

The Winner Often Loses

Have you ever met an aggressive sales person who pushes and pushes as hard as they can to make the sale, hopefully wearing down their customer enough that they finally give in? Chances are, your reaction to that sales person was not very favorable.  Even if you did give in to that initial purchase, you probably never wanted to deal with that salesperson ever again. You stopped taking their calls. You blocked their email address. And you may even have told others to "watch out" for this salesperson in the future. In the end, the salesperson may have won a sale, but they lost your future business.

A Taste of My Own Medicine

Have you ever watched a video of yourself giving a presentation?  I suggest this to my public speaking students at Central Wyoming College.  There is really no better way to evaluate and improve your public speaking than by being your own critic.  This is advice that I have recently realized is easier said than done.

My talk from TEDxJacksonHole was recently posted online, and it has been somewhat unsettling to watch myself perform such a personal speech on the internet.  It was actually easier for me to deliver the speech in front of  a live audience of 500 people than it has been watching it online.  Check it out for yourself, and let me know what you think.  (Be kind)

Training That Sticks

You know how important customer service is to your business.  When you see a customer leave your business with a smile on their face, you know they are likely to do business with you again.  Moreover, there’s  a good chance they will recommend you to their friends and family.

Knowing this, you probably provide some customer service training to your employees (If not, you really need to!).   I challenge you to consider how much of your training focuses on procedures (i.e. what to do) vs. behaviors (i.e. how to do it). 
     

What to do                                               How to do it                                                   

     Make customers feel welcomed                 Be genuinely interested in your customers

     Exceed customer’s expectations                Empathize with your customer's situation

     Maintain a positive attitude                         Recognize and manage your emotions at work

Chances are you have been focusing mostly on training procedures, which is good.  Unfortunately, “good” isn’t what you are aiming for.  Raising the level of your customer service requires that you train the behavioral skills your employees need to truly “wow” your customers.    

Learning behavior skills works best when the training is customized to individual strengths and personalities. Don't assume that a group training session is going to do the trick.  Follow it up with individual meetings to find out what part of the training your employees felt was most valuable. Ask thoughtful questions about how they will apply what they learned.  Providing individual attention improves employee engagement, retention, and skill development.  This is especially true with younger employees who are used to more individualized attention from parents and teachers.  Give it a try.  It'll be the most valuable time you spend improving performance all year, and might even improve your relationships with your employees.

What Is "Internal Marketing?"

After a recent seminar that I presented, I passed my business cards around to the audience and asked if anyone had questions.  I was surprised when one of the first questions was not about the presentation, but about my card.

"Your cards lists, 'Sales Consulting, Customer Retention, and Employee Engagement" the gentleman asked.  "How does employee engagement fit in with all the sales & marketing stuff?"

"Great question," I responded.  I then challenged the audience to consider the "Identify Your Target Customer?" exercise we had worked on earlier in the presentation, and to substitute the word "customer" with the word "employee."  In many instances, employees are your core customers! 

Mega Disruption!

A few months ago I promised on this blog that I would be posting all about all of the great speakers that I coached for TEDxJacksonHole in February.  Boy did I fail at that.  Sorry.  I've been busy.  Seriously.

We just concluded TEDxJacksonHole DISRUPT on October 5, 2013, and it was AWESOME!  If you were not lucky enough to be in the audience, don't fret, videos of all the speeches will be posted online within the next couple of weeks.

As the Speaker Coach for TEDxJacksonHole I have spent hundreds of hours over the past 3 months working with each of the wonderful speakers for the event.  What a great event!  Thank you to every performer:

• April Alliston
• Ed Belbruno
• Alexa Clay*
• Sandy Hessler
• Brolin Mewejje
• Kristen Moeller
• Marena Salerno Collins
• Steve Trilling
• Ava Ulmer
• Nate Ver Burg

What is that "*" next to Alexa Clay's name, you ask?  Well, Alexa had to cancel at the last second because of illness, and a replacement speaker had to fill in.  Who? You ask again.  Well, that would be me.  Yup, I got the opportunity to give my first TED talk this past Saturday, and I had only 10 hours to prepare it!  And in that time, I also needed to assist the other speakers with the dress rehearsal.  Talk about a major DISRUPTION!  It was a crazy and intense next 12 hours that are still all a blur for me.  While I feel as though I delivered a powerful and emotional speech, I am a bit afraid to see the video once it is edited.  All and all, I am proud of what I accomplished and revealed to the audience.

I also feel for Alexa, as she spent hours and hours preparing her speech, flying here from the east coast to present, and then falling ill and being unable to perform.  You all should at the very least visit http://misfiteconomy.com/ to see what we missed.

Thanks to everyone who helped make TEDxJacksonHole DISRUPT a huge success.  Special thanks to Steve Jansen and the rest of the TEDxJacksonHole committee.  Another one in the books!

The Reward of Awards

How does you business recognize individual employees? Like many businesses, you may have an internal award program that recognizes employees for excellent customer service, environmental stewardship, safety, etc. Far too few businesses recognize the opportunities to nominate their employees for external awards in similar categories. This is a tremendous opportunity lost because individual awards are usually far more engaging and relevant to your customers. Personal success stories are a wonderful way to communicate your company values in a way that relates well to your customers.

She Should Have Gone To Toastmasters

Have you ever been put on the spot and been asked a question that you weren't anticipating in front of an audience you were trying to impress?  Maybe it was during a staff meeting when your boss singled you out to report on a project.  Or perhaps it happened to you during a job interview.  Whatever your worst impromptu speaking blunder was, it probably wasn't as bad as Miss Utah from this past weekend's Miss USA pageant. 

These moments happen to everyone, though hopefully for most of us, not in front of a national audience.  There are only two ways for you to minimize the chances of bungling an impromptu speech and sounding like an idiot.

1. Learn everything about EVERYTHING so that you can always sound intelligent, not matter what topic you are asked to speak on.
2. Practice impromptu speaking so that you learn the structure of a short speeches, and develop improvisation skills.

The first, I can't help you with.  Unless you are Jeopardy wiz kid, Ken Jennings, you aren't likely to develop an encyclopedic memory while also juggling your day job, family, and all the other stuff that constitute "living."

The second way is easy.  Visit your local Toastmasters club.  For decades, Toastmasters International has been helping people develop the very skill of delivering impromptu speeches.  In Toastmasters lingo they are referred to as Table Topics, and all over the world, just about every Toastmasters meeting participants are challenged to give 1-2 minute speeches on subjects they know nothing about.  More accurately, they don't know what the topic will be until they are already standing at the lectern in front of the audience.

Table Topics often seem intimidating to the uninitiated, but Toastmasters quickly learn that they are one of the best tools to practice your speaking skills.  They are fun and often funny too, for both the speaker and the audience.

The absolute best way to improve your confidence and competence in public speaking is to practice in front of a live audience.  Toastmasters gives you this opportunity in a supportive atmosphere with no risk of looking like an idiot.  Visit your local Toastmasters club to learn more.  To find your local club, visit www.toastmasters.org. 

Is Your Brand Out-of-Control?

If you've answered "Yes," you are probably better off than you think. For years, companies have talked about "branding" as if it was something tangible that they could control.

Design a logo, write a tag line, test it with some focus groups, and viola! You have a brand.

No, actually, you have a logo, which is, at best, an image that people associate with your brand. A brand is best defined as: the customer's perception of your company. It's not what you tell your customers about your company, it's what they tell you.

You don't own your brand. Your customer owns your brand.
This is what makes the concept of "branding" so powerful. When your business strategy matches exactly the actual experiences of your customers, you have created an unstoppable marketing force.

The Most Inspiring Marketing Medium

"A speech is a solemn responsibility.  The man who makes a bad thirty-minute speech to two hundred people wastes only a half-hour of his own time.  But he wastes one hundred hours of the audience's time - more than four days - which should be a hanging offense."

                                                                                                       - Jenkin Lloyd Jones

Steve Jobs - A man who understood the power of
public speaking for business better than most.

We all have to speak in public at sometime in our lives.  Most of us have to do it almost every day in the form of sales calls, staff meetings, and presentations.  As someone who has studied and taught public speaking for many years, I cringe whenever I listen to a speaker who has not prepared for and practiced the skill of public speaking before they stand in front of an audience.  Not only does it show a lack of respect for the audience, it exhibits a complete loss of opportunity.

More than every other form of marketing or sales, the opportunity to prepare and deliver a speech for a specific audience gives you the chance to share your idea and your perspective in a way that is specifically tailored for the people receiving it (e.g. customers, potential donors, board of directors, etc.).  It is not just a captive audience, it is an engaged audience that is in the room specifically to hear what you have to say.  Magazines, newspapers, radio, internet, and social media all rely on chance that a viewer is interested in your message at the exact time that they see or hear it.  Public speaking audiences typically know the topic of a presentation and have committed to listening prior to hearing even the first word.  Furthermore, with traditional marketing your audience must become immediately engaged with your message, or they will turn the page, change the station, or click another link.  Nearly 100% of a public speaking audience stays listening attentively to the speaker for the entire speech.

Its too good of a quote not to forward along....

Photo from TED.com Speaker Profile

"Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right."

-Jane Goodall, quoted in NationalGeographic.com