Insight vs. Advice

While reading Neil Pasricha's new book The Happiness Equation, I was struck by his chapter regarding advice.  His main assertion is "don't take advice."  This seems like odd advice because it completely contradicts itself, but the more I thought about it, the more I seemed to agree with it.

When people offer advice to you, whether solicited or not, they are sharing what they would do from their perspective.  No matter how hard they try to imagine themselves in your shoes, they cannot fully understand your perspective.  

It certainly is important to seek the perspectives of others when you are making difficult decisions or have questions about how you should proceed, but you don't want to give away all of your control by taking someone else's advice.  To do so robs you of your ability to think honestly from your own perspective.  This can lead you to make decisions that are not authentic to your own personality.

Rather than seek advice from others, you should seek to gain insight.  The experiences of others can provide valuable information that you can use to better understand a situation you are facing.  This is what insight means: to gain a deeper understanding of someone or something.  This is the ingredient that you need to make difficult decisions and navigate big challenges.

Instead of asking others "what do you think I should do?" you can ask them "have you ever faced a similar situation? What did you do?"

The benefit of asking people questions about what THEY did, felt, or thought is that you will hear authentic responses from their perspective.  You then have the ability to compare their experiences to your situation from your own perspective.  This is very important because the only person who truly understands your perspective is YOU. 

Gaining insight from others allows you to take full control over your decisions and actions.  When you take advice from others, you are giving away your control. 

Beyond Expectations

I haven't yet seen the new Vacation movie with Ed H

elms, but it is high on my list this summer.  Whether the new movie is a hit or not, I don't think it could ever surpass the awesomeness of the original version with Chevy Chase.  The story of Clark Griswold's ill-fated quest to take his family on the vacation of a lifetime is a classic.  It is so funny because just about everyone can relate some family vacation from their lives to the plight of Clark W. Griswold.  We all want our vacations to turn out perfectly, but they rarely ever do.

Travel really is one of the most emotional purchases that people ever make.  Think about it.  The expectations to create a perfect experience are so high.  You are often travelling with friends or family, so there is added pressure to create a memorable experience for everyone.  Travel requires you to spend two of your most precious commodities, money and vacation time.  You really have to make your vacations count because they don't come around that often.  You are emotionally invested in this purchase before you even know where you are going!

Travel and tourism business aren't making it any easier on travelers either.  Resorts, hotels, and travel agents create fabulous websites that portray the absolute best possible experience that anyone could ever have.  The sun is shining.  The sky is blue.  There are no crowds, and everyone is smiling.  Sure, these conditions do exist, from time-to-time, but we all know that plenty of "average" days (or worse) occur each month too.  Marketing has set the expectation, and the customer has invested emotionally.  This seems like a situation set up for disappointment.

It is not realistic to think that marketers will stop promoting the best image of their destinations.  Knowing this, and knowing that many customers will experience less than perfect conditions mean that tourism businesses must put a great effort into creating experiences beyond expectations for their guests.  This is different from exceeding expectations.  After all, the marketing has already set the expectation of perfect conditions.  You cannot exceed perfect.  Not possible.  But you can give the customer something unexpected; beyond expectations.

Tourism companies must make it their priority to build relationships with their customers and to connect with them emotionally.  We know that travel is an emotional purchase, so let's provide the emotion.  Let's treat our clients like friends and family, and give them a real reason to remember their visit.  The human connections that people make during their travels have a profound effect on their level of enjoyment and satisfaction.  One of the best ways to encourage customer loyalty is to genuinely welcome guests and make them part of your community.  When a guest feels like they belong, they become invested in the community, and will want to visit again and again.

Travellers want to make emotional connections to the places they visit.  It is our job to encourage that connection by welcoming, accepting, and including them in our communities.

How Do You Build Character?

"Intelligence plus character-that is the goal of true education." ― Martin Luther King Jr.

During the two years I taught a course in Human Relations for students of Central Wyoming College it struck me that one of the biggest challenges that young people have is in building the proper character to become successful professionals, parents, and friends.  Almost every student I encountered was committed to their academic success and acquiring knowledge that would help them succeed as a student and professional.  However, many were surprised that the content of the course was so introspective, relating to how they behave.

Most people do not go through their daily lives thinking about what drives their behavior, or how they developed their character.  But this is a useful habit to get into.  Considering how your behavior shapes the way other people react to you unlocks many doors.

• How did you develop your character?  
• Your work ethic?  
• Your passion?  
• Your commitments to others?  
• Who and what influenced you?  

The first person that comes to my mind is my dad, and quickly I begin to remember others (teachers, friends, co-workers, role models), who have helped me develop into the person I am today.

Your character evolves everyday, and you can choose to improve or deteriorate the behaviors that help you relate to others.  Remember those who have helped you build your character, and think of an additional role model that will help you become ever greater tomorrow.

It Is A Fine Line Indeed

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." ― Martin Luther King Jr.

I can't help but think of my favorite quote from This Is Spinal Tap when I read MLK Jr.'s words above.

      David St. Hubbins:  It's such a fine line between stupid, and uh...
      Nigel Tufnel:  Clever.
      David St. Hubbins:  Yeah, and clever.

I am pretty sure that Rob Reiner was not thinking of MLK, Jr. when he wrote this script, but you never know!

Pick Up The Phone

"People fail to get along because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don't know each other; they don't know each other because they have not communicated with each other."
 ― Martin Luther King Jr.

How do we get to know each other.  We talk to one another.  Very good.  Now let's take this one step

further.  How do we talk with each other?  Yes, we say stuff, but what else?  Yeeeesssss, we listen to others.  That is the key message here.

Before we can begin to communicate our own views, we need to begin understanding others.  This is not some sort of chicken-before-the-egg riddle.  We need to listen with our eyes, our ears, and our minds.  There is a lot of listening we can do before we even have a conversation with someone.  We can think about what we expect the perspective of others to be.  We can empathize with that perspective, and then we can test our understanding by actually having a conversation.

Now that digital communication is so prevalent, it is harder and harder to have a real conversation with others.  Actually, it is technically easier because we have more channels and greater access to other people, but our minds hijack us into believing the most convenient way to communicate is the most effective way to communicate.  We know in our hearts that it is much more effective to have a conversation in person or over the phone than in email or social media, but we have a hard time getting ourselves to do it!

Take the time this week to commit yourself to getting to know someone important to you, your work, or your family.  Go beyond a simple email greeting or Facebook message.  Pick up the phone and start a conversation.  Chances are you will learn something important that would have remained a mystery if you only communicated online.

Challenging Communication

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
― Martin Luther King Jr

This quote keeps me motivated to work everyday.  Since 2010, I have committed my life to helping people communicate more effectively with others, mostly in a business context.  Usually, the most difficult situations for  people to communicate effectively are the times when they are stressed, challenged, or faced with perceptions of others that conflict with their own.

• Angry hotel guests screaming at front desk staff
• Receiving negative feedback from your boss
• Giving any kind of feedback to those you work with
• Negotiating with co-workers who have different priorities

Martin Luther King, Jr. is an inspirational role model for even our everyday communication.  When we face times of challenge and controversy, it is so easy to lash out in defense, or to turn our backs in denial.  Silence and violence are not the only two reactions to challenge and controversy.  The next time you FEEL your emotions become charged in a conversation, think of MLK Jr.'s words, and rise to the occasion.  Find the higher road to opportunity and success.  Chances are that what seem like opposing ideas actually have common purpose.

Forgetting To Remember

Dale Carnegie wrote in his landmark self-improvement book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, that “a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”  Most people would not argue this point, yet many people still have trouble remembering names.
Despite being a salesperson for majority of my professional career, I have struggled with remembering names, Here is a short list of techniques that I have tried throughout my career: